I came across this post today. And I felt some wires move inside my head. As though the world had been trying to teach me this but I just couldn’t see it.
The past couple of months have been a rollercoaster. So much so that I am not ready to let go of the year yet. I am dreading the 31st because I have this irrational fear of letting go of the year I’ve had. Like if I did, I’d be letting go of every emotion, every lesson, every high, and every low. And that’s odd because logically, I am more ready than I have ever been.
When I was debating visiting the Burj Khalifa with a friend early this year, I told them that it might be shit and underwhelming, but I want to experience it for myself. Have my own opinion. And one of the things I learned this year was that there are some things you experience first hand to truly learn, and some you don’t. No one tells you the guidelines, you figure it out.
When I say rollercoaster, I am talking about the former.
I lost one of my biggest clients this year.
I’ve pitched and faced rejections.
I’ve had to trust my project management instinct to invest into pitches without a sure shot of getting the client.
The thing is, I remember those more than I remember the meetings that I went into and left with a brief. No other adults involved.
Each of these meetings set me back in my head. Made me question my ways, whether I had learned anything at all. I struggled to forgive myself for not knowing better. Or making a mistake, knowing that the next time, I would be able to do better. At that moment, I took deep breaths and moved to the next thing.
But today, someone sent me this post. I felt the wires move. And I felt hopeful again. Outside of all that, it also left me a question.
If I’m in a calmer, more focused rhythm, would I begin to ignore the signs that probably help me become a better person?
I hope not. The upside of this rhythm ought to overpower everything else. I know that I’d be eliminating 90% of the self-induced stress if I internalised that idea.
So, that.
What I do today is not a job, it is going to be my life’s work. Among everything else that comes my way. I am not working for the next paycheck, but to lay the ground for years to come. And I owe it to myself (I think) and everyone else who has trusted me with this to find that rhythm for myself.
Until next time,
C. BLR. Dec 23, 2024.
[It’s 8.44 PM and I am contemplating going for a run at 10 PM. Been a while.]