Written over a couple of days, from my desk at home, in rainy Bombay.
It’s 6.15 PM on a Tuesday, I’ve come back from a bunch of meetings in Powai, indulged in some kachra food (sorry, Dr H), and opened this empty page to write. Two reasons – it has been a while since I did a public check-in and also because I found myself feeling odd.
This is risky because I don’t want to write when I’m not at my mean. Because highs and lows are fleeting. They tell you a few things about yourself and the world, but they’re fleeting. My mean is what I exist in. And want to continue to exist in and control.
But here I am. Will start with how I am feeling and why that’s bothering me. I’ve had a busy day. Hardly any time to think or create things. Met some people I really like, among a few others. Was part of a potential client conversation. And walked around rainy Bombay. But I’m now home, feeling slightly bad about the food I ate and like something’s royally off. I haven’t felt this way in a while. I’ve had tough conversations, bad days, hardcore PMS, but not this. So it makes me wonder where it’s coming from. If I don’t know, how do I fix it?
For now, I’ve decided to write this check-in instead. And as I do, I can already think of all the current joys of life. So here goes.
[Update: I read this note after 48 hours. After two very good 48 hours. And I say good for a very simple reason – I’ve been engaged. In creation. In usual life. Almost feels silly reading the part above. Hmm.]
Health
This one’s been a -1. For some time now. I rarely admit it, even to myself. Because I’m very afraid of going back to where I was. My metric for health today is:
Movement
Control over food
I don’t count sleep because it’s the single-most unaffected aspect of my life.
I don’t have both of these going on for me right now. I was in BKK a couple of days back, and I averaged 12,799 steps that week. Ate a lot of food too. And felt great. But back in Bombay, I don’t have a system. I’ve not prioritised my runs + have had almost no control over what I eat.
I won’t say much except that I want to change it. I think telling Shanti Aunty to give me dinner by 7 PM, being strict with in-between meal cravings, and trying to get some movement in should make this better.
Relationships
I have two polar opposite things to say in this department. I’ll start with the biggest epiphany I’ve had.
A large part of my joy and energy can be attributed to the people I am surrounded by. Some close ones and some at a distance. The weird thing is, these people aren’t family. Mostly people I work with. Very closely. And I think the common thing is, to most of us, work isn’t just a thing you do to get your paycheck. They’re excited about it. Their conversations are about action. About growth. And of course, they all happen to be lovely people.
Now that I know, I want to attract more of it. Good people. And good people you can just do things with!
Oh, SG, I think I now know what you mean when you say, People Create Magic.
The unpleasant part is to do with some old-time friendships. It’s to do with the idea of outgrowing people. Or rather, growing in a different direction from them. I know this is vague. So I will stop. And say just one thing – the ability to have honest, tough conversations makes life easy. Not in the interim. But in the long-term.
Work
This is not a report of what I have been up to. I don’t think I could summarise that here. Will be on a similar check-in I do for C4E. But this is about how I am feeling. This week and month, in particular. There are a couple of threads:
A/ One of the reasons I’ve really enjoyed growing up is that life has only gotten better with time. For me, it happened (I think) because of two ideas: take responsibility for your life, and believe that the outcome (good or bad) will be directly proportional to the actions you take.
B/ Today, that action translates into what I call work. Each thing I do to be engaged, make money, take a shot at new ideas, and chase curiosities.
So, by default (and I’m incredibly lucky for this), my work is where I find joy. And it is the thing that has the most impact on my mood.
C/ July’s been eventful. Just how I like it.
– Went alarm-free for the most part. I’m still guilty of waking up to one when I feel I haven’t done much or need my morning hours.
– Consciously tried to spend time outdoors. Bring down my cortisol levels (all self-induced). And find a system that works for me (which is now a to-do-list format SG recommended, one that has survived all breaking points so far).
– Found my next challenge. At its worst, it’s an experiment to push my limits beyond what I’ve learned in the last few years. And at its best, it’s potentially an idea that will open our doors to a new world. Money and non-money.
As I write this, a lot more things come to mind. But they’re fragmented thoughts. About money, people, power, places, attachment. And distance, even. [Switched tabs and came back here a couple of hours later].
It’s 9.03 PM. As usual, I’m strugging to find an ending to this piece. Because each time I re-read, I feel like I have more to say. Maybe I’m delaying publishing it. Because what is the point? But that’s a silly thought. Maybe I’m just overthinking this because it’s been such a day – I visited a dear place that will be taken down in a few days (a decision that perhaps only power and long-term relationships can change); I finished reading a book by someone I’ve known a long time and I feel like I know them more than I did before this; and I’ve written. That too, honestly.
So maybe this is the ending. I shall leave it here.
Until next time,
C
26 July 2025. Bom.